you are pointing your finger at your spouse they become defensive. gerri: no finger pointing. benefit o this payoff of this, is what? you really put yourself you know on a at risk. you say, i want to try to do this. at penalty of being laughed at or otherwise. dissed. can you make progress on some issues? >> that is a great question. you can. number one you are exposing yourself. this is putting your out there, you are vulnerable to your spouse. answer is yes, by exposing your vulnerability, by specifically stating, what your number is. you offer the opportunity for clity for conflicts solution resolution, problem solution resolution by recognizing what the problem circumstance for we cannot -- problem is, for we cannot take action on our problem until we acknowledge what they are, confront what they are irk and admi, admit wh. gerri: interesting, fascinating this is one way to talk about these issues thank you karen. >> my please. gerri: still to come my two centss more. he complained too much and northwest airline, now delta took away his elite flyer stat status. his fight m